Sometimes life sucks. That's how it goes.
This week I'm writing from my mom's apartment. It's a couple of days late and nobody would blame me if they knew all the stuff I've had thrown at me this week. But this is important and it makes me feel like I'm letting people down when it's late. Obviously, it feels heavier to me than it is. But when you're in a crisis it's hard not to beat yourself up. So let's talk about what to do when life punches you in the face!
How to make it ok when things aren't ok?
Rough things are going to happen to us. That's the whole "life isn't fair" part of the equation. But how we respond to these times when life kicks us in the heart is what matters. And while many of our co-workers will cut us slack at work, there are things that need to happen or our lives will get even more in disarray.
So here are some ideas for keeping work on track when you're being pulled into personal challenges.
Let People Know What You Need
We all deal with tough times differently. Some of us need everything else to go away, and others throw themselves into work. If we don't let people know what will help us they may unintentionally make things worse.
Share enough so everyone understands that something is going on. Then guide them into what will help the most.
Keep working but no meetings? Cool.
Hand off the big project to someone else? Cool.
Keep doing all the work, but you need some grace with your attitude? Cool.
People want to help, we have to let them know how.
Establish Boundaries
Friends and colleagues are going to acknowledge something is going on because we work with thoughtful people. While this can be great, it can also derail you. Sometimes we need distance from the problem.
Personally, I tell my close friends and family when it's ok to ask questions or make suggestions. Today I sent a message to my siblings that shared some new information and ended with "please don't ask any questions right now, I've got things I need to focus on. I'll send a text when I'm ready to talk about what's going on."
You can also let people know that sending support via email vs. Slack or text is preferred. I know this sounds a little weird, but it works. You can get the "you got this!" messages but respond on your own time because of the nature of email.
And of course, you can say I don't want to talk about this right now. But I will share more when I'm ready.
Take Time For Yourself
We all feel like we should be able to handle whatever life throws at us. But we can't. We can deny and we can deflect and we can ignore how things are impacting us. But they are impacting us. So go into full Airplane Mode and maximum DND. Take that walk. Go for that run. Take a freaking nap! You aren't being selfish, you are recharging for your next superhuman feat.
Don't Over Share
Personally, when I get emotional I over-explain everything. I can hear some of you who know me laughing right now. Yeah, when I'm overloaded I head toward maximum verbosity. Well, newsflash for me and everyone else having challenges, saying a bunch of sad or angry words at a rapid pace kinda scares the kids. Now if it's your bestie they signed up for the show. But if it's someone you're friends with at work, they probably will want to help but be really worried about you. And then you'll see that look or they'll say something trying to help and it's gonna make you feel worse.
Do The Easy Stuff
When we're stressed out and focused on a rough situation it is really easy to make a big mistake at work. So split your list into things that are more routine and those that require a lot of thought. Then avoid the ones that need your full attention because you'll probably screw it up.
Once when I was dealing with another personal crisis years ago I wrote an email to the team about a particularly difficult client, my thoughts on the challenges they were bringing to the team and how I would recommend dealing with them. And the icing on the cake, that if it didn't work out we would fire them. I never heard back from the team and when I went to check... I sent the email to the client by mistake.
So, for once, focus on the routine tasks over the important ones.
I know we all go through this stuff, so I'd love to hear from you about how you keep things afloat when sailing stormy seas.